The 'Y' Factor !!

The cliché statement – Everything Happens for a Reason !! 

I usually reward back people with a sarcastic notion whenever they try to comfort me with this statement. I am not an anti-positive person but at the same time I don’t buy the alls gonna be fine, its not the end or something better is gonna happen crap.

I believe in seeing things as they are and facing the reality. It makes no sense to me to be all up & cheery when you are actually dying inside. For me its ok to cry for a while & to do all that stuff you feel like doing when you are down. It’s a part & process of healing. Hiding & burying the pain would only make things worse.

Recently I had one of those nights where sleep eludes you and your brain kinda decides to replay your whole life in a cinematic fashion. After hours of reel play I magically happened to connect the dots. As the sky slowly turned blue it dawned on to me that everything actually happened for a reason. I would not say a good one but yes one thing happened to give way to another and so on. 

Times when I was thinking life is all very rosy but things ended up in a disaster and times when disasters ended up in awesome life changing events. Well I still do stick to my realistic approach but the repulsion to the above cliché statement has been subsided.

Happy events don’t trigger the WHY question its only the mishaps which force us to dig into the WHY factor. Sooner or later we all would find out as to why something happened.

So all the meetups, breakups, moving to a new city, losing a job, missing a flight & so on - Everything will make sense someday. You would probably figure this out when you are actually not trying to figure out. Yeah sounds confusing but that’s how it works.

I would not promote positivism here but yes its all happening for a reason. Only time would tell us if its for the Good or Bad. So quit analyzing WHY with a magnifying glass. Do what you gotta do. Smile, shop, eat & party when you feel like. Cry & let out when you have to, there is no need to candy coat your feelings. Eventually you would learn to go with the flow.

Life is a choreographed dance, Get your groove on !!

Emotional workout..

Its been a long time since I thought about my blog.. Guess its time to pour my heart out..

Last 10 days have been a complete emotional chaos for me.. Torn between hundreds of thoughts.. I might not have gone thru so much of thought process during past 3-4 years as much I have gone in these 10 days.

Well the reasons are quite personal to be disclosed here. But I guess I can share my feelings thou !!

A person is happy until he/she are not confused about anything or anyone. As long as you have decided about a person/situation or the outcome of a certain relationship/action, guess it doesn’t cause much harm.

But what are we suppose to do when life becomes a synonym for uncertainty. And to make it worst your past confronts you as a wild hungry tiger. For which you have no explanation and no reasoning.. And you get into a situation where you could be losing couple of relationships in spite of your honest and undying love for them. Worst part you don’t have even have single friend with whom you could share all these.. Don’t have a shoulder to cry !! Its only my pillow knows my sorrow, tears I have cried.. Sleepless nights I have spent.. that’s the only companion I had..

It took me a while to come up with a solution.. Can’t name it as a solution but a way to ensure that things don’t get worse than this. If fate wants me to part from someone, lets not be that on a bitter note.. It was then I decided to speak up the truth and only truth, quite sure about the consequences.. It would hurt others, myself badly and shut down all the doors to someone.. And which also did include losing a relationship which means life to me.. But still I gathered up all the courage I could and decided to speak up..

Speaking truth meant accepting my mistakes which I pursued knowingly or unknowingly. Toughest of them is letting your beloved know few things about them which you don’t like. Something which you have been lying.. This happens with everyone when we don’t want to hurt someone we love. We hide things and lie to them. While we purely do that for genuine reasons and only out of love.. When these are disclosed, turn out to be your worst nightmares.

Sometimes we hate few things about the one we love.. I have always kept searching for an explanation for this. When we love someone, isn’t it that we would love everything about them ?? And if hate something about them why do we still love them ??

Strange huh !! LOVE for sure is the most mysterious thing on the earth !!

Despite of all these, I went on with this. I owe to god as things did not turn out as bad as I thought…

But I am still not sure if the person at the other end has forgiven me.. Not sure if the relation means the same to them anymore.. And not sure if still there are some truths hidden in the dark.. I live in a vain hope that all this happened only for good.. and I am still in the good books of the other person.. And someday would have the happiness I dreamt for.. May be this is called as SOUL SEARCHING by great people (philosophical)

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you..” This might not totally imply to me but does partially..

Now.. I only aim to be more thoughtful and grateful for this gift (Few relations) god has given me.. Its nothing less than a OASIS in a dreadful desert.. This sure is a tough task for me as I require to change the entire thought process.. I need to become someone who I was exactly 6 years ago.. Its nearly close to reincarnation.. But my beliefs and ground values would always remain the same.. and I hope GOD would not leave me alone thru this.. Do I get to see the sunshine this time ????

Zindagi jab dusara mauka dethi ha – Sabse jaruri ha apne aapko apnana, maaf karna aur wo khoya hua vishwas pana..

Asha ha ki kisi ek din ye sab baatein , jo maine yaha kahi ha .. kisiki madad karengi.. kiska hausala badhayegi !!