Sunday, June 13, 2010

Emotional workout..

Its been a long time since I thought about my blog.. Guess its time to pour my heart out..

Last 10 days have been a complete emotional chaos for me.. Torn between hundreds of thoughts.. I might not have gone thru so much of thought process during past 3-4 years as much I have gone in these 10 days.

Well the reasons are quite personal to be disclosed here. But I guess I can share my feelings thou !!

A person is happy until he/she are not confused about anything or anyone. As long as you have decided about a person/situation or the outcome of a certain relationship/action, guess it doesn’t cause much harm.

But what are we suppose to do when life becomes a synonym for uncertainty. And to make it worst your past confronts you as a wild hungry tiger. For which you have no explanation and no reasoning.. And you get into a situation where you could be losing couple of relationships in spite of your honest and undying love for them. Worst part you don’t have even have single friend with whom you could share all these.. Don’t have a shoulder to cry !! Its only my pillow knows my sorrow, tears I have cried.. Sleepless nights I have spent.. that’s the only companion I had..

It took me a while to come up with a solution.. Can’t name it as a solution but a way to ensure that things don’t get worse than this. If fate wants me to part from someone, lets not be that on a bitter note.. It was then I decided to speak up the truth and only truth, quite sure about the consequences.. It would hurt others, myself badly and shut down all the doors to someone.. And which also did include losing a relationship which means life to me.. But still I gathered up all the courage I could and decided to speak up..

Speaking truth meant accepting my mistakes which I pursued knowingly or unknowingly. Toughest of them is letting your beloved know few things about them which you don’t like. Something which you have been lying.. This happens with everyone when we don’t want to hurt someone we love. We hide things and lie to them. While we purely do that for genuine reasons and only out of love.. When these are disclosed, turn out to be your worst nightmares.

Sometimes we hate few things about the one we love.. I have always kept searching for an explanation for this. When we love someone, isn’t it that we would love everything about them ?? And if hate something about them why do we still love them ??

Strange huh !! LOVE for sure is the most mysterious thing on the earth !!

Despite of all these, I went on with this. I owe to god as things did not turn out as bad as I thought…

But I am still not sure if the person at the other end has forgiven me.. Not sure if the relation means the same to them anymore.. And not sure if still there are some truths hidden in the dark.. I live in a vain hope that all this happened only for good.. and I am still in the good books of the other person.. And someday would have the happiness I dreamt for.. May be this is called as SOUL SEARCHING by great people (philosophical)

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you..” This might not totally imply to me but does partially..

Now.. I only aim to be more thoughtful and grateful for this gift (Few relations) god has given me.. Its nothing less than a OASIS in a dreadful desert.. This sure is a tough task for me as I require to change the entire thought process.. I need to become someone who I was exactly 6 years ago.. Its nearly close to reincarnation.. But my beliefs and ground values would always remain the same.. and I hope GOD would not leave me alone thru this.. Do I get to see the sunshine this time ????

Zindagi jab dusara mauka dethi ha – Sabse jaruri ha apne aapko apnana, maaf karna aur wo khoya hua vishwas pana..

Asha ha ki kisi ek din ye sab baatein , jo maine yaha kahi ha .. kisiki madad karengi.. kiska hausala badhayegi !!


  1. Such a profound post. Spoke to the point. What makes us like ppl even when we hate some things of them is LOVE itself. Acceptance of other's faults and shortcomings is one of the most crucial stages in a relationship.
    Hope you get to see the sunshine this time :)

  2. Thank u dear.. Now I have you.. sure would see the sunshine :)